The past few weeks have been stressful but UNREAL at work. And I’ve barely been able to enjoy an evening at home. Today, as I was headed up to bed I noticed that the kitchen was an absolute mess and I started winding myself up trying to clean up, move bottles out for recycling, and wash up counter top stains. By the time the kitchen was clean, I was in a mood.
But then I realised that today is November 8th. 15 years ago, my uncle died. And I still miss him all the time. The kitchen doesn’t matter. The stress at work will go away and dissipate eventually. But I’ll never see Brendan again. Perspective. It’s nice to have every once in a while.
I feel stupid-awful about this. Like I’m abandoning something that could potentially be a rewarding or a goal I’ve set for myself. But I feel like I need to write this publicly to try to digest and process my mixed feelings about everything that’s going on. Here it is folks:
I’m breaking up with Yoga.
It’s not that I’m deeply troubled by the ideologies or philosophy behind yoga, it just didn’t do it for me. I couldn’t buy into it. Especially with a teacher who was really into the spiritual and side of it. I’m not religious. I haven’t been in a long time. I find it really hard to break that and think that if I were to “release the anger” or “remove the tension” by “looking within” then maybe I would “have more peace” within my life. I’m also turned away by the overwhelming enthusiasm of basically everyone but me. But then again, I really don’t like the hoo-rah over Christmas, sunny weather, and cupcakes so maybe I just hate fun and good things in general.
But I love the exercises. I really dig the progress I’ve seen in my flexibility and strength and I’ve enjoyed seeing the changes it has had on my body. I do a number of stretches at home on the big green rug in my living room. Yes, yoga has helped with relieving stress. I cannot say enough good things about the deep stretching poses I do and the benefit yoga has had on my posture and my confidence. That side of yoga is awesome. And i still love it for that reason.
…but I just lost the fever. And I can’t keep going to classes if I’m going to waste money and time by listening to someone who’s words of wisdom just wont penetrate this heathen’s thick skull. I just can’t with the teachers and the yogavangelists. Some people can go to a couple classes a week, do their thing, walk out and never speak of it and could give zero shits about chakras and inner thoughts or whatever. But I have exactly two opinions about things; I am either uber-all-about-it or ultra-not-into-it. Except white wine, cronuts, and now, yoga. I’m pretty ‘meh’ about those things.
Basically I’m just going to keep doing me and staying active and healthy and happy. Good talk.
People love to talk about themselves, but there is also a trend of “nobody cares about ____ so stop talking about it” going around. And it bums me out.
I’m all for self expression. it’s how we connect with others. Using the word I is the way we identify ourselves (though, terribly) as individuals with thoughts, feelings, aspirations, affirmations, and opinions. Sure, these opinions may not match up with yours. And that’s fine. But there are people out there who only live to tear others down and make others feel terrible about what they’ve written or said.
Tearing someone down for what they’ve done or found happiness in is just downright hurtful - be it a lifestyle change, the availability of the pumpkin spice latte at the nearest Starbucks, the changing seasons, or whatever. If that’s really your thing and your way of expressing yourself. Okay cool. Have at it. It’s just not very nice or attractive.